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I am the wife of a bladder cancer survivor. I say survivor although it has
not been a year since we heard the words " You have cancer, Mr. Clobridge.
I am going to book you in to do a TURP to determine the extent of it and
maybe burn out and scrape the cells there." My husband walked out of the
small hospital on February 3rd and, I’m sure though that he too was going
to die. You see his brother had advanced esophageal cancer and was not
expected to live until the end of the month. It was at this point that I
decided that attitude meant everything and if it was going to beat us we
would "go down kicking and shouting".
It was then that we experienced "the frustrating waiting game" that
inevitably follows diagnosis. Firstly on February 20th he had to undergo a
TURP in the small hospital in our area. The cancer was more advanced than
first thought so we were told that the doctor would arrange to have Mike
seen by a surgeon at the city cancer clinic. OK, we reasoned get the best
to do the work and get it quick ,however, we spent the next months waiting
for calls to be seen by the surgeon, blood tests, a CT scan, a MRI before
the real treatment began. It seemed that these did not proceed with any
hurry. In fact it was my daughter, Gracie who started the ball rolling. She
lost patience and phoned the hospital in question and talked to everyone
and anyone who would listen. (I call her Our Guardian Angel and will be
eternally grateful to her!) A day after her call we had the last
appointment on April 12th with a brilliant surgeon. The TURP took place on
April 25th.
Once again the results were not as good as we had hoped. By now my
brother-in-law and my dear aunt had passed away so it was increasingly hard
to remain positive. I must admit, although I talked a good game I had many
sleepless nights. My mantra became " of the billions of cells in your body,
you have more healthy cells than defective ones". If I told Mike this once
during the day I told him ten times...until he would finish the mantra when
I started it. I also started to bring home funny videos, Mike especially
liked the Adam Sandler ones...must be male humour. At first he sat through
these stone faced but gradually he succumbed and the belly laughs relieved
the tension that was building up in the house.
For me, I became obsessed with routine and exercise. I went to the gym
every day and I took my qui gong class every week. As well as relieving
stress it was here that I received a lot of emotional support.
I also became obsessed with Mike following ALL of the doctors directions.
If the paper said "drink 8 glasses of water a day" I refilled his glass
continuously. If it said "No alcohol" he did not even sniff a beer! "Eat 5
small meals a day"... he ate! I think that it was at this time he started
to call me "the Sargent Major".
At the post op appointment we learned not only there was cancer in his
bladder, but, as well as, being invasive and high grade, it was in his
urethra and prostrate. His CT scan revealed two enlarged lymph nodes near
the lumbar vertebra and his bone scan had a shadow in a lumbar bone that
could be cancerous. Did he have secondary cancer in other parts of his
body? More tests and if everything was OK the best treatment at this time
was chemotherapy and radiation. The file was delivered to the cancer
hospital and another waiting game began. By the end of June we had met with
both oncologists . These two doctors, Dr. Reaume and Malone were extremely
positive and talked about a total cure. Just my kind of doctors! By the
middle of July we had all the tests taken over again. I must say that the
thing that kept us up and going was that our oldest daughter Sarah and her
husband Stian, had come from England, with our two grandsons for the summer
and Gracie and Keith were coming for an activity filled week at our
cottage. They gave us a reason to get up in the morning, smile and stay
active all day.
However in July it seemed like a shadow was once again passing over our
family . Our oldest nephew, ,Steven, aged 35, had started to take seizures.
It was not known what the cause was but a brain tumour was not ruled out.
Also Mike’s friend died from esophageal cancer. It seemed that every time
we had something positive to hold onto the carpet was kicked out from under
our feet!
After everyone left for home the radiation and chemotherapy started and
lasted for six weeks. Every day we awoke early and drove 100 miles from our
cottage for appointments that lasted 10 minutes. To say the least, it was
wearing and tiring so we decided to leave the cottage, our place of
tranquillity and safety and move back home. We were now 3/4 of an hour away
from the hospital. The receptionist changed the 8:30am appointments to
2:30pm and we started to get a break. Our neighbours were fantastic,
sometimes Greg from next door took Mike to his appointment and sometimes
Mike’s friend Jamie, from Brockville came and took him. I think that
Katrina, our next door neighbour feed us, either having us over or dropping
food off at the door. Allowing others into our lives and letting them share
some of the load for a short time gave us the energy needed to get to that
last week.
I must say that Mike responded very well to the treatment. He did not loose
the hair that surrounds the circumference of his head and he did not loose
any weight, in fact he gained a pound. He went on the DQ diet. That is to
say that every day after a treatment we stopped into the Dairy Queen and
ordered a large chocolate blizzard. That evening he would drink a litre of
chocolate milk. He did this every day for six weeks. Now, of course, he
can’t stand the smell of chocolate but it worked when it was needed!
I can’t express the feeling of relief that occurs after the last treatment,
I imagine that it is something like weightlessness. The recuperation period
is long and for all intents boring, but it is not like the anxiety
experienced in the period of time between diagnosis and treatment. You know
that you are not out of the woods for at least five years but there is a
feeling that something has been done and you have survived it!
We have been to see the chemo and radio oncologist,, Dr. Rheaume and , and
Dr. Malone who feel that everything is OK, 100%; the surgeon, Dr. Morash,
who is performing another TURP on Mike at the end of January (to make sure
that there are no cancerous cells). Hopefully we have dodged the bullet!
Life still seems to be a mixture of bad news/good news. Our nephew did have
brain cancer, the very aggressive type and he passed away before Christmas.
Our good friend at the cottage also died of cancer in the new year, as did
a dear aunt of mine. However, we travelled to England over Christmas and
celebrated it with all our family there. Lastly but not of least importance
Gracie, Our Guardian Angel, is expecting our first granddaughter this
coming March. We don’t know what awaits us but right now we have a lot to
live for!
You may have noticed that I always refer to us or we having cancer. That is
because the cancer cells might have invaded my partners body but both of us
went through the full range of emotions that accompany "you have cancer"
and as a partner you learn to live with it 24/7. It is a journey that
brings you incredibly close together and you begin to look at life and
living through new and improved glasses.
If I could give any words of advise I would say
1. Be positive
2. Laugh lots, hug lots, kiss lots
3. Let others help when they ask to and ask for help when you need it...a
shared load for even a day makes you stronger.
4. As the healthy partner, take care of yourself...exercise reduces stress.
5. Above all, follow all the doctors orders!
Joanne Clobridge
Our family has been touched with cancer not once but twice in a year and has changed our lives forever.....My father, Stewart Clobridge at the age of 59 was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in early 2005. With courage he remained positive everyday but lost his battle March 7, 2006. We learned how strong he was. We miss him everyday. Soon after my father passed away, my brother Steven Clobridge at 35 was diagnosed with brain cancer in July. With a positive attitude and incredible sense of humor he fought so hard but lost his battle December 8, 2006. We miss him so much as well. We know our father and brother are together watching over us. The amazing part of all of this is that neither one of them ever questioned why this was happening to them. Their strength and outlook has helped us cope with all that has happened to our family.
We hope with the support of gracie's gear fighting cancer in 2007 campaign and more research will help others fight the cancer battle.
With love,
Lisa Clobridge |
